What Women Want:
By Rusty Garner
My longstanding theory is that women are not attracted to money; they are attracted to a man with the ability to make money. For instance, a man that inherited a trust fund or won the lottery could lose that money and have no clue how to regain the wealth. Conversely, a man who has the ability to generate income will always be able to afford his wife and family a comfortable, if not luxurious, lifestyle.
In the caveman days, the large, athletic, physically attractive man was the unquestioned alpha male that attracted (and probably reproduced with) every female in the clan. Today, women have a practical choice to make: The physically attractive and athletic man (who is either unable to make money in a modern economy or is prone to womanizing and infidelity) or the family man (who is able to make money and is faithful, but not sexually desirable).
Although that assertion is my opinion, it is also the assertion of some researchers and sociologists. An article titled “Ovulation Leads Women to Perceive Sexy Cads as Good Dads” in an upcoming edition of Journal Personality and Social Psychology, (Durante, et al*), a study suggests that women at a fertility high point will allow themselves to believe that typically unreliable men will make reliable fathers.
Another study by Journal of Experimental Social Psychology** suggests that men who come across as flirty or unfaithful are typically considered less attractive to women. This article makes sense when compared to the previous one, depending on the woman’s fertility cycle.
The worse thing to develop in today’s pop culture for the unsexy, reliable father types is a media phenomenon known as the “White Male Buffoon Stereotype”. In Rebecca Feasey’s book Masculinity in Television, Feasey details the emergence of sitcoms such as Friends, The Simpsons, and Everybody Loves Raymond, which portray modern men as incompetent and inferior. (A quick editorial note: I highly recommend this book if you are interested in television’s impact on today’s culture.)
So, if all but one caveman had zero chance with the ladies and today’s men seem to have a chance to be 50% acceptable to women, what is the solution going forward? Confidence. If you don’t already have confidence, you might think it’s impossible to achieve. Let me suggest some ways to increase your confidence that worked for me.
1. Hit the gym. If you’re a pudgy 50 pounds overweight and can’t bench press 100 pounds, imagine yourself at 10 pounds overweight and bench pressing your body weight. Would you feel more confident around women? If you’re average weight and strength, imagine yourself as a fitness model. Would you feel more confident around women? This argument is simple but I think it’s iron clad.
2. Find your passion. If possible, make it your job. Having surveyed many women about this topic, I’ve discovered that a man who loves his job is sexy to women. Also, I don’t think anything builds confidence in a man more than doing what he loves for a living. This dynamic creates and endless cycle of positivity. I also believe this is why women love firemen. Their job is masculine, lucrative, noble, and every fireman will say he’s doing what he loves.
3. Be aggressive. This bullet point has the potential to become very explicit, nasty, and triple X rated. Guys, there is a reason why “50 shades of Gray” is a best seller and has become known as “Mommy Porn”. (Use some common sense with this, however. “No” and “Stop” are every woman’s safe words.)
Good luck building your confidence and let me know if you agree or disagree. @rg_ink
*source accessed through Psychology Today
**sourced accessed through Men’sHealth.com